50 vuotta kasassa, 50 years lived

See https://fromhighlightohighlight.blogspot.com/2020/08/some-present-like-things.html 

 " Nyt olen jo melkein 50. Jäin miettimään tartteeko minun jotenkin muistella menneitä 50 vuotta vai voinko vain elellä eteenpäin. Jos tekisin yhteenvedon, niin se on, että olen kärsinyt paljon, lähinnä kai siksi, että minulla on paljon vihollisia, mille syytä en kunnolla tiedä, mutta he sanovat syyksi, että äitini on kohdellut minua liian paljon pahemmin kuin heidän oma äitinsä heitä ja siksi he haluavat pitää etäisyyttä moiseen. 

Lisäksi olen kirjoittanut paljon, säveltänyt jotakin, opettanut koiria ja nuorempana harrastanut liikuntaa, musiikkia ja luontoa. Myös eräopaskurssi ja maatalouskoulu olivat kivoja, mutta koulu, etenkin lukio, ja yliopiston matematiikka ja fysiikka kamalia. Asuinpaikoistani olen eniten pitänyt Savonlinnasta, jossa asuin koirineni 11 vuotta, ja Helsinkiä en kestänyt, kun aina kävi huonosti.

Terv. Kaisa Hannele Tervola "

I translate:

"Now I am already almost 50. I was left pondering do I need to somehow ponder my memories of the past 50 years or can I just live onwards. If I would summarize, it is that I have suffered a lot, I guess that mostly because I have lots of enemies, for which I do not know the reason, but they say that the reason is that since my mother treated me so much worse than their own mother them, they want to keep distance to such situation.

In addition I have written a lot, composed some pieces, taught dogs and as younger I had as hobbies sports, music and nature. I also liked the wilderness guide course and the farming school, but school, especially secondary school, and in the university math and physics were horrible. Of the places I have lived in I have most liked Savonlinna where I lived with my dogs 11 years, but I couldn't bear Helsinki since things always went badly for me there."

26th of July 2021   Of how my paradise theory and my writing work connects to what I learned in a good quality way about my birthday and my childhood name assosiation "emperor", https://aboutmytexts.blogspot.com/2015/08/my-birthday.html

It is a little bit under two weeks to my 50th birthday, and I come to think of the people I studied with or associated with as younger and many of them too are 50 years this year. But I think that having lived 50 years is mostly about one's own life  how it turned out and what one has avhieved, what carries life and what one waits from one's older years. While school times and pals of one's younger years connect with school and studies and aren't so good to mix with this. I do not feel like having travelled together with them, but instead with my own hpbbies, like-minded peope, music, good books, etc 

28th of July 2021   It is some one and a half weeksvto my birthday, but since Midsummer atmosphere has usually been 10 or 11 days before Midsummer according to the calendar, I marked already now to my prile thst I am almost 50, but I am not planning anything special because of my 50th birthday, just ordinary peaceful life. 

2nd of August 2021   My mother has never been like the usual picture of mums. Instead she is very much like a step mother clishee or enemy, so I guess that she is either a step mother or persons who pretend to be my step mother. 

7th of August 2021   Timorrow is my 50th birthday and today around noon I noticed that when I looked at some music vudeo, it kubd of flattened the atmosphere as if there was a celebration going on, people thinking that I am now 50 years and that that is a whole bunch of time, of life. I do not feel a need to celebrate, but I recognise a simular phenomenom as in the celebeations of the elderly: activity stopped, nothing to do, the younger ones just thinking of such bug amoubts of tine, of years they still have to live their life. I nitice thst I bladdre meaningfuö memiries qithout gully going them through, as uf those things were in some vitrine for guests to look at. Such reminds me of the elderly, but I do not cobsider it a good way to live, yet I feel that if I do anything special around my birthday, i judt ruin it useless. 

I guess that that means that especially younger people want to hear how to live a long and good life. My view to that is that one ought to have healthy ways of living and follow civiliced wisdom. My wisdom of life you can find from this blig at links from yhe text Some present like things, for example miscellaneous advices for unknown audience at my text about the skills of Christmas gnomes learntalents.blogspot.com .

8th of August 2021   Today I am 50 years old. It seems to bring nothing special to my life. I would like to continue with healthy ways of living, music and Buddhism.